IGME Files

I barely survived 2006.  It was like skydiving into the Great Unknown, a force that brought me into a slow descent of the tugging gravity.  There I had myself making that one big jump with fellow adventurers I’ve been with, floating, taking in all beauty around me, being exposed to harsh and powerful elements head-on, changing directions, struggling to find stability again, pulling my landing safety device…and here I am, landing unscathed, loving every moment of it.      

Here’s my personal highs and lows for the past year:   

1)  Early this year (February), I didn’t make it to an application to be somewhere that’s supposed to take me to different shores literally.  We were about 50 nervous wrecks during the interview to a two-man foreign panel.  During the role-playing activity, I sincerely corrected my name to this Irish woman when my turn was up.  I didn’t know it would spell the difference and it mattered to a fellow Filipino recruitment manager who’s a prime example of an ass-kisser.    

MY LESSON:  No shortcuts to fulfill dreams.  And from this ass kisser:  beware of ‘little’ POWER you have, it’ll might change you.  Ironic, eh. 

The disappointment was a breeze.  I knew that God had other plans for me.

I’ve taken a big risk this year — I did not choose to have a regular job.  I am consciously aware of what I’ll be sacrificing (that means no more Coffee Bean or Gloria Jeans sessions) and what I’m going to do.  I have survived by living under the subsistence with the help of my sister’s, my mother’s and few of my friends’, who oftentimes treat me for dinner or a movie pass. 

2)  Even though I was nearly somewhere at the poverty threshold, I somehow managed to gain fifteen pounds of weight over the past year (and another few more pounds at the end of the year, hehe).  And I seemed to grow taller.  Was being within proximity to the fridge most of the time a factor?  Maybe. 

3) The Photography workshop by FPPF.   Even though I didn’t win in the two contests among our batch, being cited for a photo-journalistic approach while everyone else opted to do the neat and pretty advertising-like product shots in the glass category by a well-known photojournalist was an honor.   I felt like a silent winner for a moment. 

The FREEFEST film workshop by CCP.  I’ve watched for the first time in awe how cultish Kievslovsky’s films are (“Red, White and Blue”); the gripping genocide film, “Fateless”; Fellini’s La Dolce Vita; Russian Ark, experimental short films, etc; the people – starting with Sir Ed, my batchmates, the former Freefesters who joined us, the experience of making a film.   I’ll mention that later.   

4)  I consciously watched "better" films than those run-of-the-mill films.  I’d chance upon these film festivals and one-time film screenings whenever I could, better if it’s for free.  Batang West Side and Heremias by Lav, Kidlat Tahimik short films (who, by the way, introduced his films personally) at Magnet cafe, independent Filipino films, Nowhere in Africa, Eat, Drink, Man, Woman, Babette’s Feast, On Golden Pond, Terms of Endearment, The Unbearable Lightness of Being, etc.  Too many films for way too little time, yet I feel that spending at least one film to sit through a day is enough for me (which btw I wasn’t able to do), for education purposes.  Now, I’m downloading film scripts for my continuing education. 

Don’t think I’m just into everything artsy-fartsy or the good ones; coz I also enjoy and appreciate artistic-bereft stuff.  I was able to catch “Nights of Serafina” at Cinemaone, I couldn’t help laughing.  I swear, this is one of the campiest Filipino films ever!!  I recommend it for barkada dvd night-out.   For your viewing

(dis)pleasure.         

5)  I’ve met “angels” along the way, Norm and Robert (can’t mention one without the other); Rodel of CCP, and to those people who are quietly but happily helping me in one way or the other.  Sorry for being makulit, it’s in my nature.  hehe         

6) The missed job/raket opportunites.  The marketing firm owner who kept me hanging and waiting for months until I haven’t heard from him any longer.  But the biggest debacle for me is the religious (yes, religious!) anthology drama show that went kaput.  Nil.  Nada.  The show espouses inspiring stories to lure back people to Catholic faith.  If we the core writers had only understood the vision clearly and not hazily, we wouldn’t have experienced any problems.  You (the proponent) belong to that powerful group to influence, but please set by example.  Do I sound bitter?  Not so much. The harrowing experience just let me prove why I don’t conform to the standards of going to Church.  But that’s beside the point. I just have something against authority.   

7)  My short film debut, DEAD STARS. During early of this year, my time was spent on looking for sponsors for the film I’m cooking up, not this film. When Freefest came, the film was born. 

To finally experience your passion which you only dream and read about, to have kept my hands dirty, to have faced conflicts because of  uncooperative group members, to have prayed for a sunny shooting day when the rest of the days it’s been raining (and God gave us that), to have actors and people believing in you, to have bet your life because of editing problems (the computer conked out every time it could finally capture the final edited movie files!!) and there’s a chance it wouldn’t be shown on the intended screening, to have experienced that butterfly in your stomach when I saw myself at the back of the small theater with people watching your film for the first time…It was really amazing!  Now, I can truly say I’m living my dream.   (For more about the film, please refer to blog dated June 26).      

  Relatively new but really good set of friends, Abby’s group (w/ Aileen, Erroll, Nick, et al), friends who need me, friends whom I need, and friends who have stayed.  I’ve met more people the past year than any other year.  At 27, I think I know how to distinguish from mere acquaintances to real friends.  I am extremely blessed to have established meningful friendships this year.      

9)  My self-imposed, my self-imposed…I’m embarrassed!  It’s been more than a year and I am proud I still have the word “self-control” about me.  hehe

10)  I’ll bid 2006 with a wistful glee that with all the good and bad things that had happened, it feels good to have remained in touch with myself.  I’m keeping a more hopeful year ahead, with potential projects that never materialized, but keeping my fingers crossed will be drumrolling this year, and — a renewed strength and determination to be better.     Am awaiting for my breakthrough year!! 

Some people are destined to wander.  And I shall be wandering again.