IGME Files

          Isn’t this all familiar to us — eyes fixated on a plane, the singular light dilates the pupil until it relaxes, then begins the most strange part –- the clouding of the image begins, we stare out of emptiness, and feel nothing. This seemingly inconsequential event takes a few seconds, and we snap out of it almost involuntarily, conscious if anyone has seen the solitary game we play.

          I think and feel in visual terms. The earliest emotion that stucked in my life was that of the profound feeling of being alone and the utter loneliness associated with it.  It came in the form of one big rainy afternoon when I was around four to five years old. Just like any adventurous child, I came out of the house together with the rest of the pack to play under the sudden downpour. Then a force pushed me to go somewhere alone.

          I found myself going out of the narrow straight street and after snaking out another small alley was a house at a corner. This house, with a big rectangular plot of cement in front, was flooding. Because it was a low house, the muddy water swelled up in great wavering increments from all sides. Then the rain quieted down. A big pool of pond was in the offing and seeing it a few feet from where I stood, I wanted to open the gate and plunge into it.

          But I was afraid. I wished I had a companion to go with me.

          And then it happened, my eyes, soaked with tears from the skies, stared out of the subsiding water. And without much fanfare, I felt empty for the first time.